It’s (still) April, 2020, and we’re still living in a time where we’ve hit pause on so many things.

But living and interacting with our partners is very much still happening. And you may find yourself reflecting on some of the relationship dynamics you are experiencing right now. For example:

Relationships are built upon the exchange of interactions, decisions, actions, and ideas between the two partners. These exchanges are also happening in the greater context of everything else happening all around them. Over time, these exchanges form or fall into a pattern.

The patterns may have roots in our own history; either the history that you and your partner has established, the history of what you and your partner brings to your relationship, or possibly all of the above! Here are some reasons why it is important to notice patterns.

The Importance of Patterns

• Patterns can repeat themselves from relationship to relationship without our awareness. 

• Shifting our focus to noticing these patterns will help us to recognize when they are repeating themselves, and also what could be triggering the patterns.

• This then allows us the opportunity to make choices in the moment. We can choose to do something different, if the pattern is not working for us, or we can keep doing what IS working for us. We can mindfully choose to react in a way that is healthy for our relationships. 

What happens when we take the time to reflect on what WE bring to our relationship with our partners?

Many positives can result from making the effort to reflect on what we are contributing to our own relationship dynamics. In short, reflection can strengthen your relationship. You may have intuitively known this, which was what drove you to read this post.

If you’re looking for a place to start, I’ll gladly guide you. Here are some questions that might resonate with you. I invite you to jot down your responses, as this may lead to some new insights.

Historically, what dynamics have repeated themselves in your relationships, perhaps from partner to partner?

What in your relationship is working for you right now? What can you do to help ensure that this will continue into the future?

What in your relationship is not working for you right now? What could you do differently that could possibly improve the outcome? I invite you to brainstorm all different kinds of things you can do, even if you don’t think they’ll get you far. Here, it’s tempting to dismiss ideas that you think won’t work for you without really thinking about them. Opening up by brainstorming may allow you to see things that you hadn’t seen before or see things from a new perspective.

What has it been like for you to think about these questions?

If you appreciate this opportunity to reflect, I invite you to join me in an online workshop that I created designed to help guide you in strengthening your relationships through reflecting on relationship patterns, entitled, “An Inside-out Approach to Strengthening Your Romantic Relationship”. This is a free event happening live on May 6th at 3pm EST, and you can register for this event here. Even if you do not participate in the live event, you will be able to participate at a later time as long as you register by using the link. I’ll be there and I’d love to see you and/ or your partner here too! Drop a line if you plan to attend!

Whether or not you join me in this workshop, I hope that you’re putting this reflection to good use, as noticing, reflecting, and critically examining these patterns may be efforts that pay off in large ways in your relationship. See for yourself!

Best,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write.Reflect.Grow