Reflecting on This Season of Giving

The designation of this day as #GivingTuesday has inspired a new blog post on “Reflecting on Reflecting”, upending layers of current-year dust which has been accumulating on the blog.

Today my email inbox screams, “It’s Giving Tuesday.”

My learned response to such subject headings: Give, but give mindfully. Give meaningfully. Give based on my values. Give based on need. Give to support others or support causes which have touched those on my mind right now.

There are many causes that meet that criteria (see above: screaming email inbox).

Giving is high on my own list of values. Just looking over the topics on this blog, for example, I notice over one-quarter of blog posts have been partially or entirely about reflecting on giving, giving back, and taking actions for others, including Reflecting on the Season of Giving (from this time of year, two years ago) Reflecting on Doing Good, Writing Letters to Fight Social Isolation, and Reflecting and Taking Action.

This year in particular, I have decided that my approach to charitable donations, particularly on a day (and a season) that stresses giving, will be an approach guided by reflection, meaning, and critical thinking. I have added ‘critical thinking’ in my own decision-making guide because some of the causes I support more generally may currently not be fully in alignment with my own values and priorities.

This year I am asking myself the following questions:

1. Does this cause directly address a need that is a high priority to me (or those I care about) right now?

2. Will this donation be received with appreciation by the recipient, and/ or will my message of support for this cause be heard?

3. Looking back on this day/ season/ moment in time, will I feel like I have taken a meaningful action by this donation?

If the answer to these three questions is a resounding yes, I will be donating today or during this season.

Taking a few moments to record the questions I am asking myself right now has been useful for me, and perhaps can help others wade through their own inboxes and inform or inspire mindful decisions. Writing this has also helped make my decision concrete that from now through the holiday season, I am donating all proceeds of all journals to a cause that represents what the Write.Reflect.Grow community values, funding a journaling workshop for charity in the new year. More on this to come!

Reflecting on Patterns You Bring to Your Relationship

It’s (still) April, 2020, and we’re still living in a time where we’ve hit pause on so many things.

But living and interacting with our partners is very much still happening. And you may find yourself reflecting on some of the relationship dynamics you are experiencing right now. For example:

Exerpt from Reader’s Digest

Relationships are built upon the exchange of interactions, decisions, actions, and ideas between the two partners. These exchanges are also happening in the greater context of everything else happening all around them. Over time, these exchanges form or fall into a pattern.

The patterns may have roots in our own history; either the history that you and your partner has established, the history of what you and your partner brings to your relationship, or possibly all of the above! Here are some reasons why it is important to notice patterns.

The Importance of Patterns

• Patterns can repeat themselves from relationship to relationship without our awareness. 

• Shifting our focus to noticing these patterns will help us to recognize when they are repeating themselves, and also what could be triggering the patterns.

• This then allows us the opportunity to make choices in the moment. We can choose to do something different, if the pattern is not working for us, or we can keep doing what IS working for us. We can mindfully choose to react in a way that is healthy for our relationships. 

What happens when we take the time to reflect on what WE bring to our relationship with our partners?

Many positives can result from making the effort to reflect on what we are contributing to our own relationship dynamics. In short, reflection can strengthen your relationship. You may have intuitively known this, which was what drove you to read this post.

If you’re looking for a place to start, I’ll gladly guide you. Here are some questions that might resonate with you. I invite you to jot down your responses, as this may lead to some new insights.

Historically, what dynamics have repeated themselves in your relationships, perhaps from partner to partner?

What in your relationship is working for you right now? What can you do to help ensure that this will continue into the future?

What in your relationship is not working for you right now? What could you do differently that could possibly improve the outcome? I invite you to brainstorm all different kinds of things you can do, even if you don’t think they’ll get you far. Here, it’s tempting to dismiss ideas that you think won’t work for you without really thinking about them. Opening up by brainstorming may allow you to see things that you hadn’t seen before or see things from a new perspective.

What has it been like for you to think about these questions?

If you appreciate this opportunity to reflect, I invite you to join me in an online workshop that I created designed to help guide you in strengthening your relationships through reflecting on relationship patterns, entitled, “An Inside-out Approach to Strengthening Your Romantic Relationship”. This is a free event happening live on May 6th at 3pm EST, and you can register for this event here. Even if you do not participate in the live event, you will be able to participate at a later time as long as you register by using the link. I’ll be there and I’d love to see you and/ or your partner here too! Drop a line if you plan to attend!

Whether or not you join me in this workshop, I hope that you’re putting this reflection to good use, as noticing, reflecting, and critically examining these patterns may be efforts that pay off in large ways in your relationship. See for yourself!

Best,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write.Reflect.Grow