Envisioning your new year

A new year begets reflection.

Before the sun had set on this first day of the year, I created this post in my head (envisioning, while also being inspired by my surroundings, seen here).

Part of the reflective process in turning the page to the next chapter inherently includes taking stock of where we have been. To provide context for where we want to go, what we want to accomplish and who we want to be, it is important to examine what is driving us as we envision this new year.

Using this year-end check-in as a guide helped me reflect on what has brought me here most immediately as well as shape and refine what I want to create. It also helped me dig deeper into helping more clearly delineate what I would need to do to make that happen.

We may already know what we want to make happen in this new year, but digging deeper at the outset can actually help you achieve it. Here are some reflective prompts to ask yourself or journal about to help you do just that:

First, what would you like to create or make happen in this new year?

Now, here is what it is needed to better understand how you can realistically make this happen for yourself:

What is your motivation for this? Why is this meaningful for you? 

How would you outline the key components and process?

What are the specific actions you need to do?

How can you best support yourself in making this happen?

When would it be meaningful for you to check in with yourself on your progress toward your goals? What would success look like at these check points?

If you are not on track, what would you plan to do to course-correct?

Now pin these questions for yourself and make a plan to check back in with yourself! Good luck, and happy new year!

Connecting with Women's History

As is typical for posts on our Reflecting on Reflecting blog, this post is a call to reflect and pause in this moment.

Being in THIS moment means different things to each of us, but for ALL of us (depending on when and where you are when reading this), this moment is part of Women’s History Month.

For some, awareness of Women’s History Month is certainly top of mind all month, whereas for others, it may go under the radar unless reminded of it by the world around them (e.g. themed playlists, announcements about special programming). Whatever your current level of awareness, all month long I invite you to spend some time recognizing, celebrating, honoring, appreciating, learning about (and from), and reflecting on women. Here are some questions to guide you in any of the above.

• What does it mean to you to call your attention to women’s history? To the importance of the women in your life or in the world?

• How have you taken a pause to bring awareness to and recognition of the meaning of this month for you (so far)?

• How is having a month devoted to women’s history impactful for you?

• What are some reflections you’ve had this month on your own relationships with the women in your life or the contributions of these women in your life (and in the world)?

• What are some additional ways for you to observe and connect with Women’s History Month that are meaningful to you?

Reflections are individual and this post was intended to guide you in this process. One or all may become your journal prompt today. As you answer the questions, you may notice that themes may emerge. What are these themes for you? You may notice other offshoots of topics that are meaningful for you to reflect upon. I encourage you to go there.

Because this is a topic where I feel particularly connected, I’ll share that I am pleased to have chosen to honor this month thus far by doing all of the following (and undoubtedly this list will grow):

• read several books by and about inspirational women, and reflected on many lessons that these books and these women have enriched me with

• supported and appreciated art, music, and other creative contributions of women

• proudly participated in community International Women’s Day celebrations

• had meaningful and empowering conversations about this topic

• shared and received wisdom from women in my personal and professional life

• connected with other inspiring women who are making history

• written this blog post

Finally, more broadly, as we enter each new month, collectively we are asked to direct our attention to foundational populations in our society, whether it be Native American Heritage Month in November, Pride Month in June, Black History in February. Whether or not we personally identify with the group being honored each month, we are asked to recognize the unique individual and collective contributions in much the same way as we are doing now.

I invite you to return to these questions to enhance the meaning of the moment for you.

Reflecting on the season of giving

It has been some time since we’ve published a post. A whole rotation around the sun, in fact. Here we are again in the season where the days are short and the clock of final days of the year is ticking away.

Perhaps it feels like a season of frenzy.

Perhaps it feels like a season of celebration.

As we approach the holidays, let us reflect on what the season of giving feels like for us.

Though through the frenzy, let us create and accept opportunities to unwind. Let’s remind ourselves to give ourselves the gift of calm, the gift of hitting pause, and the gift of stepping back.

Through the celebration let us give ourselves the gift of gratitude. Let us recognize who and what we are truly grateful for. Let us embrace all that we have accomplished, all that we have survived, and all of the good around us.

And through the season of giving, let us reflect on all that giving means for us. Through the gifts that we select for others, let us also remember to give ourselves what helps us feel nourished. Whether it comes in a pretty package or a simple holiday greeting, let us share what we can give. Whether we are surrounded by those we love this season or remain distanced, let us give from a place of genuineness and pleasure. Finally, however and whenever we see the need, may we give support to those who need it (which really is all of us).

What does the season of giving feel like for you this year?

For us, it will look like all of the above. And as we look to the year ahead, we have plans for continuing the season of giving. We plan on dedicating a lot of attention supporting charitable causes in months ahead. For example, as we lead into the new year, we will be donating all proceeds from the sales of our journals (including blank journals) to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. And extending throughout the year, proceeds from the sale of Reflections: A Journal Companion for the Cancer Journey will be donated to organizations which provide cancer support services. Our hope is that by continuing this season of giving throughout the year, we promote the gift of reflection- the gift that keeps on giving.

Your Midyear Review

This is a post I have been planning to write for six months. I had envisioned writing a post reflecting on the year, midway through the year.

I had written a blog post just as the new year started, focused on checking in on our vision for our year ahead.

(It is safe to say we were collectively blindsighted by what 2020 would have in store for us, despite having approached the year with clarity and 20/20 vision).

I had envisioned writing this post, checking in on where we are at midway through the year, assessing and evaluating how we are doing with our goals and how we were adapting to whatever changes we would inevitably encounter. The purpose would be to notice where we may be on track or even surpassing our expectations and also, of course, to notice where have strayed from the path we had charted out for ourselves.

I borrowed the idea of a midyear review from the corporate world. There is benefit in setting up a formal meeting with yourself. This meeting can be to focus on where you are right now and how you are gauging your progress.

Welcome to your midyear review.

Here’s how it works:

1) Schedule a meeting with yourself. This meeting can be wherever you are, and need not be virtual. After all, you are already with you.

2) Clear some space for reflection. Clearing your mind to focus exclusively on you right now. Clearing your physical space can also assist in this process, should this be helpful for you.

3) This exercise can be a guided reflection in thought, but this can be even more useful by recording it on paper or electronically. Writing it down may help to make this activity feel more official. You are making the commitment to yourself by documenting how you are re-establishing your vision for the next six months.

4) This exercise can also be done with a close confidant, or a small group of individuals gathered for the purpose of checking in on goals. One couple I’ve worked with had scheduled a date for this review to check in on each other’s personal goals and visions as well as their collective goals, successes, and areas for improvement.

5) Ask yourself the questions.

Take the time to meaningfully reflect on your responses to these question. Follow up with additional questions that arise for you. I suggest starting with the following questions, which I have adapted from the original questions I had published six months ago:

Thinking back to my goals as I headed into the new year, where am I right now on the path toward accomplishing these goals? How has my path deviated from where I had originally envisioned it going?

What is my vision currently for things I hope to make happen for the remainder of year, whether in my life or in my world? In what ways has my vision changed or remained the same?

What from the first half of this year would I like to carry forward into the second half of the year?

What would I like to change as I approach the remainder of the year? What does this change look like, knowing now what change for 2020 has looked like so far? How has my conceptualization of change and adaptation been modified since this year began?

How can I actualize the change(s) I would like to make? What is realistic to expect, and how can I support myself in this process?

While I created these questions for you, I also have scheduled a midyear review with myself. I look forward to delving a little deeper into my own review, digging deeper into my responses. Exploring more than my initial thoughts that are top-of-mind when I think about checking in on my own vision for 2020.

One thing that I plan to tap into is the final statement I had written six months ago, “2020 is using hindsight to guide foresight.” We have wisdom from our experiences, and can tap into our own wisdom to guide us into what lies ahead. Let your own wisdom guide you into creating the remainder of 2020 to be all that you would like it to be given your own current realities.

Then go make it happen!

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

Reflecting on Patterns You Bring to Your Relationship

It’s (still) April, 2020, and we’re still living in a time where we’ve hit pause on so many things.

But living and interacting with our partners is very much still happening. And you may find yourself reflecting on some of the relationship dynamics you are experiencing right now. For example:

Exerpt from Reader’s Digest

Relationships are built upon the exchange of interactions, decisions, actions, and ideas between the two partners. These exchanges are also happening in the greater context of everything else happening all around them. Over time, these exchanges form or fall into a pattern.

The patterns may have roots in our own history; either the history that you and your partner has established, the history of what you and your partner brings to your relationship, or possibly all of the above! Here are some reasons why it is important to notice patterns.

The Importance of Patterns

• Patterns can repeat themselves from relationship to relationship without our awareness. 

• Shifting our focus to noticing these patterns will help us to recognize when they are repeating themselves, and also what could be triggering the patterns.

• This then allows us the opportunity to make choices in the moment. We can choose to do something different, if the pattern is not working for us, or we can keep doing what IS working for us. We can mindfully choose to react in a way that is healthy for our relationships. 

What happens when we take the time to reflect on what WE bring to our relationship with our partners?

Many positives can result from making the effort to reflect on what we are contributing to our own relationship dynamics. In short, reflection can strengthen your relationship. You may have intuitively known this, which was what drove you to read this post.

If you’re looking for a place to start, I’ll gladly guide you. Here are some questions that might resonate with you. I invite you to jot down your responses, as this may lead to some new insights.

Historically, what dynamics have repeated themselves in your relationships, perhaps from partner to partner?

What in your relationship is working for you right now? What can you do to help ensure that this will continue into the future?

What in your relationship is not working for you right now? What could you do differently that could possibly improve the outcome? I invite you to brainstorm all different kinds of things you can do, even if you don’t think they’ll get you far. Here, it’s tempting to dismiss ideas that you think won’t work for you without really thinking about them. Opening up by brainstorming may allow you to see things that you hadn’t seen before or see things from a new perspective.

What has it been like for you to think about these questions?

If you appreciate this opportunity to reflect, I invite you to join me in an online workshop that I created designed to help guide you in strengthening your relationships through reflecting on relationship patterns, entitled, “An Inside-out Approach to Strengthening Your Romantic Relationship”. This is a free event happening live on May 6th at 3pm EST, and you can register for this event here. Even if you do not participate in the live event, you will be able to participate at a later time as long as you register by using the link. I’ll be there and I’d love to see you and/ or your partner here too! Drop a line if you plan to attend!

Whether or not you join me in this workshop, I hope that you’re putting this reflection to good use, as noticing, reflecting, and critically examining these patterns may be efforts that pay off in large ways in your relationship. See for yourself!

Best,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write.Reflect.Grow

Journaling in the Time of Coronavirus

What a time to be alive. You’re living history right now, we all are. Never has there been a time, globally, where we are so connected yet required to be so distanced. 

I’ve been thinking of about what it’s like to be here right now. I’ve been reflecting on many things- the negatives and the positives about the situation. About how isolation and togetherness have intersected where we are sharing experiences though filtered through our own lives and circumstances. About how on a recent walk (the one outing of the day), passers-by were all greeting each other, albeit from a safe distance. I’ve been thinking about the many things I have been intending to record about this time, but have not yet recorded in the midst of the change. One thought I’ve had: despite how so much is slowing down right now, ironically so much feels like it is moving very rapidly. I am feeling like it time to embrace the slow and reflect some. One fan of our journals recently shared her thoughts on this topic (and I love her commentary so much that I am sharing it here).

Prompts for reflection

I decided to write a series of journal prompts about this time and compile them into a post to share with you. I am sharing them both here in this blog post as well as by video, and in this downloadable handout that LiveGirl organization has prepared to share with their community.

I invite you to collect your own observations, insights, or emotions. I encourage you to tap into your wisdom about what it is like to be here now.

I have created a set of prompts for you to reflect on and write about today:

What are three things about this time that you think you will want to remember in the future?

What changes in your world have you observed right now, just in this time since you first became aware of Coronavirus? What have been some of the ways these changes have impacted you the most so far?

What is something that you’re worried about happening? What can you do to help yourself manage this worry?

What are some things that you appreciate about your current situation?

How do you hope things will improve for the better because we will all have gone through this experience?

Write your response to these prompts in your own journal. Save these responses. One day you may be glad you did.

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

Reflecting and taking action while social distancing

What does a clinical psychologist who specializes in adjustment to change and coping do herself right now?

I activate. I think about what I can do to get a handle on the situation and how to cope with what is ensuing. Seemingly, each time we refresh our news feed, there’s a new set of restrictions in place, or there’s a troubling update somewhere in the world. It’s a lot. For ALL of us.

While we need to be maintaining distance, really we’re ALL in this together!

I will share with you how I am activating right now. For the past several days, I have shared suggestions and reflections both with people in my life as well as with the greater world (primarily on Write. Reflect. Grow.’s social media) about actions we can all take right now to help ourselves (and others) manage the uncertainty and navigate the challenges of “social distancing”.

I have created a set of daily tips which I will continue to share each day. These suggestions are actionable. These tips draw on our ability to reflect on our own experiences.

Right now, unless you are in a job that requires you to be stepping up your efforts, the majority are being asked to step away and learn alternate ways of doing things. Because of these restrictions, in a way, we are being asked to slow down. Slowing down provides the opportunity to notice and to reflect, if we choose to do so. A silver lining, perhaps.

So for those looking to take action to help themselves or to help others, or for those seeking to grow personally from this experience (spoiler: this can ABSOLUTELY happen), here are some tips:

If you appreciate these tips, you are welcome to share this post or the tips on social media (or by phone?) with anyone you think might also appreciate them! I will be sharing more ideas designed to inspire reflection and action for you on social media each day.

I’ll leave you with a question for you reflect on:

When circumstances are ever-changing, what are some things that you can do that feel nourishing or calming for YOU?

Remember, we are all in this together!

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

A love letter to yourself

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”

– Oscar Wilde

Some of the most powerful human experiences are to love and to feel loved. Typically we think of ‘love’ in the context of our relationships with others. Nurturing these relationships is certainly life-altering and life-enriching.

This post focuses on a different kind of love. The love that affects a life-long relationship. The love that comes from within. This post is focused self-love. The love that impacts the most important relationship we ever have.

We can choose to celebrate this relationship.

As we are in the midst of February, the month that compels us to celebrate love, I’m suggesting that we make a deliberate effort to honor self-love.

To help you do this, I’ve provided some ideas to help you nurture self-love. The prompts below redirect your attention to this highly important relationship. You can open up your journal to a blank page and write any or all of these prompts at the top of the pages. Alternately, you can take a few moments to reflect on them now. Regardless of what you do, take some time to love yourself. Here are some questions to guide you:

Three of my favorite qualities about myself are __________.

I am post proud of myself for working toward or accomplishing ___________.

Kind words that someone else has said to or about me include ________. This made me feel _________.

Kind words that I have said to or about someone else include _________. This made that person feel ___________.

I consider myself very knowledgable about or skilled in ________.

One action I have taken recently to honor myself is ________ and it made me feel _______ to do this.

One way that I can continue to show myself love is ___________.

Regardless of how you focus on all of the lovely things you can think about yourself or say to yourself or recall about yourself or feel about yourself, know that they all affect your relationship with yourself. And the tone for all of your relationships is set with your own relationship with yourself. As Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has said, “Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home.”

If you would like to continue to explore your relationship with yourself, the moment will be very soon that the first journal in the Reflections Journal Series will be available for sale! The journal, Self-reflections: A Journal for Exploration and Growth is coming in March, 2020! Please stay tuned for more details. Meanwhile if you would like to preorder a copy, please email writereflectgrow@gmail.com and indicate “preorder journal” in the subject heading.

Written with love for the power of self-love,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

Foresight is 20/20, Hindsight is 2019

With hours left in this year (and in this decade), I now feel the urgency to pause to reflect on exactly what this means to me.

2020 still feels science fiction-y to me, but I recognize it is where we are now and will be in the moments soon to come.

I’ve learned that there is no greater place to be than in the present. In the present, you can create the moments that you want to become your past. That is the power in being here now.

There is also immense power in reflecting on where we have been. We can use our accumulated wisdom that comes from reflecting on the past year and over the past decade to shape where we would like to go. I invite you to join me in this journey of reflection of where you’ve been this past year and decade and what you’d like to see for your future.

As I reflect on the past decade of my life, the first thing that stands out is that it was not uneventful. To the contrary, I experienced pivotal events and decisions that have since altered life trajectories. Additionally, these events and decisions have shaped how I continue to approach each day going forward. Hands down, the most valuable part of having had these life experiences is the opportunity to learn and to continue to grow from them.

So today I am asking myself some questions about how I would like to shape the next year (and decade) of my life. I’ll share some of these questions with you, to help guide your own reflections and planning for the year to come:

What are the highlights that stand out from my year in review? Highlights do not necessarily mean the things we may share on social media or write on a holiday card. Highlights can also represent personal successes, learning experiences, and decisions.

What are the highlights that stand out from my decade in review?

Thinking ahead, what is my vision for myself for this new year?

What is my vision for things I hope to make happen this year, whether in my life or in my world?

What from this past year (and decade) would I like to carry forward into the new year?

What would I like to change this year?

What does this change look like?

How do I envision making this change?

I am sharing these questions should they be useful in guiding you to find clarity in your vision for the new year. To me, 2020 connotes clarity. 20/20 clear vision, not clouded by the past or blurry about the things we can’t accurately see. To me, 2020 is using hindsight to guide foresight.

If you would like, please share your meaningful reflections or visions for your new year. See what happens when you share.

Then go make it happen!

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

The Big Idea Journal as a Reflection Tool

Happy fall! 

 Ready or not, the seasons are changing before our eyes and our other senses. To me, fall’s changing colors and dropping leaves are always fuel for reflection.

 As The Big Idea Journal: A Tool for Facilitating Change and Bringing your Idea to Life enters its second season of life (it was a summer baby), I’m beginning the journey of reflecting on how I have used my first (published) copy of The Big Idea Journal. Here is some of what I have noticed, so far:

 I usually seem to have mine nearby.  

I often keep my working copy of The Big Idea Journal within reach. I may keep it in my car, handbag, or laptop case; this way it is there for me when the inspiration strikes. Having it nearby represents the promise of clarity or action that will arise, once I open it. And I do write in it when I have decent-sized chunks of time for reflection, such as sitting on the train or in a waiting room. 

That said, I’ve had times where I am wishing I had it when I had a thought to jot down, but it wasn’t nearby. When this happens, I’ve learned you can always make a note elsewhere and transfer it to where it is most useful later.

Using it makes a difference.

 I’ve had some weeks where I have cleared the time and space for working through things in The Big Idea Journal and I use it regularly. During these times, I can really go in depth, which has always led me to new insights and clarity. These are truly the weeks of focus, productivity, and action. This feels fantastic.

These are the weeks I may later look back on longingly if I am not having that type of week. Currently my copy of The Big Idea Journal is sitting idly and collecting dust (though is still nearby). I have not used it the past two weeks because I feel like I do not have time. Ironically, I know deep inside that guided reflection may be what could be really useful right now. 

I think this last reflection may propel some action after I finish this post. 

There are things in this process that are important to make time for.

Regarding my own big ideas, I recognize I often put off everything having to do with Chapter 5 of this workbook (“Sharing Your Idea with the World”). We all have barriers. It’s important that we understand what they are. When we can recognize and address our barriers, and work to overcome them, this becomes a measure of success. For me, what I have learned is that it is important to make a little more time for/ put in a little more effort into sharing what I’ve been doing! Every time that I have this kind of conversation with others, it is rewarding. This is not an earth-shattering reflection, but it is a very important one for me.

My experiences are not entirely unique.

I offer coaching for those who would like tailored guidance and accountability during the process of working through their big idea. In each coaching session, one thing I’ve noticed is that my experiences are not unique. Obviously, others have their roadblocks in making things happen. The most universal roadblock we have all encountered is the roadblock of not carving out time for using The Big Idea Journal. Coaching has helped these clients break through this omnipresent barrier. The response after carving out dedicated time for reflection, for both my clients and myself, has been our awareness of feeling increased focus and achievement. It feels empowering. 

What have you noticed when using yours? 

I genuinely want to know. Please do share!  And if you are only a vicarious The Big Idea Journal user and want to create your own experiences for yourself, this is how you can purchase your own copy.