Envisioning your new year

A new year begets reflection.

Before the sun had set on this first day of the year, I created this post in my head (envisioning, while also being inspired by my surroundings, seen here).

Part of the reflective process in turning the page to the next chapter inherently includes taking stock of where we have been. To provide context for where we want to go, what we want to accomplish and who we want to be, it is important to examine what is driving us as we envision this new year.

Using this year-end check-in as a guide helped me reflect on what has brought me here most immediately as well as shape and refine what I want to create. It also helped me dig deeper into helping more clearly delineate what I would need to do to make that happen.

We may already know what we want to make happen in this new year, but digging deeper at the outset can actually help you achieve it. Here are some reflective prompts to ask yourself or journal about to help you do just that:

First, what would you like to create or make happen in this new year?

Now, here is what it is needed to better understand how you can realistically make this happen for yourself:

What is your motivation for this? Why is this meaningful for you? 

How would you outline the key components and process?

What are the specific actions you need to do?

How can you best support yourself in making this happen?

When would it be meaningful for you to check in with yourself on your progress toward your goals? What would success look like at these check points?

If you are not on track, what would you plan to do to course-correct?

Now pin these questions for yourself and make a plan to check back in with yourself! Good luck, and happy new year!

Your Midyear Review

This is a post I have been planning to write for six months. I had envisioned writing a post reflecting on the year, midway through the year.

I had written a blog post just as the new year started, focused on checking in on our vision for our year ahead.

(It is safe to say we were collectively blindsighted by what 2020 would have in store for us, despite having approached the year with clarity and 20/20 vision).

I had envisioned writing this post, checking in on where we are at midway through the year, assessing and evaluating how we are doing with our goals and how we were adapting to whatever changes we would inevitably encounter. The purpose would be to notice where we may be on track or even surpassing our expectations and also, of course, to notice where have strayed from the path we had charted out for ourselves.

I borrowed the idea of a midyear review from the corporate world. There is benefit in setting up a formal meeting with yourself. This meeting can be to focus on where you are right now and how you are gauging your progress.

Welcome to your midyear review.

Here’s how it works:

1) Schedule a meeting with yourself. This meeting can be wherever you are, and need not be virtual. After all, you are already with you.

2) Clear some space for reflection. Clearing your mind to focus exclusively on you right now. Clearing your physical space can also assist in this process, should this be helpful for you.

3) This exercise can be a guided reflection in thought, but this can be even more useful by recording it on paper or electronically. Writing it down may help to make this activity feel more official. You are making the commitment to yourself by documenting how you are re-establishing your vision for the next six months.

4) This exercise can also be done with a close confidant, or a small group of individuals gathered for the purpose of checking in on goals. One couple I’ve worked with had scheduled a date for this review to check in on each other’s personal goals and visions as well as their collective goals, successes, and areas for improvement.

5) Ask yourself the questions.

Take the time to meaningfully reflect on your responses to these question. Follow up with additional questions that arise for you. I suggest starting with the following questions, which I have adapted from the original questions I had published six months ago:

Thinking back to my goals as I headed into the new year, where am I right now on the path toward accomplishing these goals? How has my path deviated from where I had originally envisioned it going?

What is my vision currently for things I hope to make happen for the remainder of year, whether in my life or in my world? In what ways has my vision changed or remained the same?

What from the first half of this year would I like to carry forward into the second half of the year?

What would I like to change as I approach the remainder of the year? What does this change look like, knowing now what change for 2020 has looked like so far? How has my conceptualization of change and adaptation been modified since this year began?

How can I actualize the change(s) I would like to make? What is realistic to expect, and how can I support myself in this process?

While I created these questions for you, I also have scheduled a midyear review with myself. I look forward to delving a little deeper into my own review, digging deeper into my responses. Exploring more than my initial thoughts that are top-of-mind when I think about checking in on my own vision for 2020.

One thing that I plan to tap into is the final statement I had written six months ago, “2020 is using hindsight to guide foresight.” We have wisdom from our experiences, and can tap into our own wisdom to guide us into what lies ahead. Let your own wisdom guide you into creating the remainder of 2020 to be all that you would like it to be given your own current realities.

Then go make it happen!

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

Reflecting on Patterns You Bring to Your Relationship

It’s (still) April, 2020, and we’re still living in a time where we’ve hit pause on so many things.

But living and interacting with our partners is very much still happening. And you may find yourself reflecting on some of the relationship dynamics you are experiencing right now. For example:

Exerpt from Reader’s Digest

Relationships are built upon the exchange of interactions, decisions, actions, and ideas between the two partners. These exchanges are also happening in the greater context of everything else happening all around them. Over time, these exchanges form or fall into a pattern.

The patterns may have roots in our own history; either the history that you and your partner has established, the history of what you and your partner brings to your relationship, or possibly all of the above! Here are some reasons why it is important to notice patterns.

The Importance of Patterns

• Patterns can repeat themselves from relationship to relationship without our awareness. 

• Shifting our focus to noticing these patterns will help us to recognize when they are repeating themselves, and also what could be triggering the patterns.

• This then allows us the opportunity to make choices in the moment. We can choose to do something different, if the pattern is not working for us, or we can keep doing what IS working for us. We can mindfully choose to react in a way that is healthy for our relationships. 

What happens when we take the time to reflect on what WE bring to our relationship with our partners?

Many positives can result from making the effort to reflect on what we are contributing to our own relationship dynamics. In short, reflection can strengthen your relationship. You may have intuitively known this, which was what drove you to read this post.

If you’re looking for a place to start, I’ll gladly guide you. Here are some questions that might resonate with you. I invite you to jot down your responses, as this may lead to some new insights.

Historically, what dynamics have repeated themselves in your relationships, perhaps from partner to partner?

What in your relationship is working for you right now? What can you do to help ensure that this will continue into the future?

What in your relationship is not working for you right now? What could you do differently that could possibly improve the outcome? I invite you to brainstorm all different kinds of things you can do, even if you don’t think they’ll get you far. Here, it’s tempting to dismiss ideas that you think won’t work for you without really thinking about them. Opening up by brainstorming may allow you to see things that you hadn’t seen before or see things from a new perspective.

What has it been like for you to think about these questions?

If you appreciate this opportunity to reflect, I invite you to join me in an online workshop that I created designed to help guide you in strengthening your relationships through reflecting on relationship patterns, entitled, “An Inside-out Approach to Strengthening Your Romantic Relationship”. This is a free event happening live on May 6th at 3pm EST, and you can register for this event here. Even if you do not participate in the live event, you will be able to participate at a later time as long as you register by using the link. I’ll be there and I’d love to see you and/ or your partner here too! Drop a line if you plan to attend!

Whether or not you join me in this workshop, I hope that you’re putting this reflection to good use, as noticing, reflecting, and critically examining these patterns may be efforts that pay off in large ways in your relationship. See for yourself!

Best,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write.Reflect.Grow

Journaling in the Time of Coronavirus

What a time to be alive. You’re living history right now, we all are. Never has there been a time, globally, where we are so connected yet required to be so distanced. 

I’ve been thinking of about what it’s like to be here right now. I’ve been reflecting on many things- the negatives and the positives about the situation. About how isolation and togetherness have intersected where we are sharing experiences though filtered through our own lives and circumstances. About how on a recent walk (the one outing of the day), passers-by were all greeting each other, albeit from a safe distance. I’ve been thinking about the many things I have been intending to record about this time, but have not yet recorded in the midst of the change. One thought I’ve had: despite how so much is slowing down right now, ironically so much feels like it is moving very rapidly. I am feeling like it time to embrace the slow and reflect some. One fan of our journals recently shared her thoughts on this topic (and I love her commentary so much that I am sharing it here).

Prompts for reflection

I decided to write a series of journal prompts about this time and compile them into a post to share with you. I am sharing them both here in this blog post as well as by video, and in this downloadable handout that LiveGirl organization has prepared to share with their community.

I invite you to collect your own observations, insights, or emotions. I encourage you to tap into your wisdom about what it is like to be here now.

I have created a set of prompts for you to reflect on and write about today:

What are three things about this time that you think you will want to remember in the future?

What changes in your world have you observed right now, just in this time since you first became aware of Coronavirus? What have been some of the ways these changes have impacted you the most so far?

What is something that you’re worried about happening? What can you do to help yourself manage this worry?

What are some things that you appreciate about your current situation?

How do you hope things will improve for the better because we will all have gone through this experience?

Write your response to these prompts in your own journal. Save these responses. One day you may be glad you did.

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

A love letter to yourself

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”

– Oscar Wilde

Some of the most powerful human experiences are to love and to feel loved. Typically we think of ‘love’ in the context of our relationships with others. Nurturing these relationships is certainly life-altering and life-enriching.

This post focuses on a different kind of love. The love that affects a life-long relationship. The love that comes from within. This post is focused self-love. The love that impacts the most important relationship we ever have.

We can choose to celebrate this relationship.

As we are in the midst of February, the month that compels us to celebrate love, I’m suggesting that we make a deliberate effort to honor self-love.

To help you do this, I’ve provided some ideas to help you nurture self-love. The prompts below redirect your attention to this highly important relationship. You can open up your journal to a blank page and write any or all of these prompts at the top of the pages. Alternately, you can take a few moments to reflect on them now. Regardless of what you do, take some time to love yourself. Here are some questions to guide you:

Three of my favorite qualities about myself are __________.

I am post proud of myself for working toward or accomplishing ___________.

Kind words that someone else has said to or about me include ________. This made me feel _________.

Kind words that I have said to or about someone else include _________. This made that person feel ___________.

I consider myself very knowledgable about or skilled in ________.

One action I have taken recently to honor myself is ________ and it made me feel _______ to do this.

One way that I can continue to show myself love is ___________.

Regardless of how you focus on all of the lovely things you can think about yourself or say to yourself or recall about yourself or feel about yourself, know that they all affect your relationship with yourself. And the tone for all of your relationships is set with your own relationship with yourself. As Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has said, “Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home.”

If you would like to continue to explore your relationship with yourself, the moment will be very soon that the first journal in the Reflections Journal Series will be available for sale! The journal, Self-reflections: A Journal for Exploration and Growth is coming in March, 2020! Please stay tuned for more details. Meanwhile if you would like to preorder a copy, please email writereflectgrow@gmail.com and indicate “preorder journal” in the subject heading.

Written with love for the power of self-love,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

Reflecting on the need for self-care in caregivers

Though my work as a clinical psychologist, I often have the privilege of supporting family caregivers as they are on their caregiving journey. One of the things that often comes up in our work together, whether in therapy or though discussion in a caregiving group, is reflecting on how the caregiving process has affected them, the role it has had on their relationships and on their identity, and their need for ongoing self-care.

The need for self care in caregivers can not be understated. Sometimes the challenge many caregivers face is recognizing that it is OK to make the need for self-care a priority, and that it is healthy to make this need a priority. I have elaborated on this topic elsewhere, and I’ll share what I have written and shared in radio interviews should these suggestions be useful.

Acknowledging that these needs ARE important, and taking action on those needs can make a significant difference in the lives of the caregiver which ultimately do impact how they are giving care. Understanding the impact of tough emotions, including guilt. For example, guilt around doing something for yourself that may seem frivolous or take you away from where you feel you are needed. Guilt can keep you feeling stuck and result in hindering how you take care of yourself. So it is important to notice your emotions related to caregiving and the impact that they may be having on so many other things.

I would encourage caregivers to ask themselves these questions, and take the time to answer them. reflect on your answers, perhaps by journaling about them. Consider these questions:

What does self-care look like to me right now?

How can I honor myself and my needs today?

Finally, I invite all who are interested in further reflection and support to take some time for yourself to reflect. For caregivers local to Rye, NY, I will be running a caregiver self-care program on Friday, December 13th at 11am with a warm community of caregivers, and for those in Fairfield County, CT, I will lead a similar program on Wednesday December 18th.

For all caregivers, regardless of where you are, if you are interested, I invite you to listen to these three guided reflections for caregivers and caregiver stress that I have created for the app, Simple Habit.

However you engage in self-care that honors you, may you enjoy and appreciate doing so! Whether it’s now, during National Family Caregiver’s Month (the month we are currently in), or whenever you need.

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

www.writereflectgrow.com

The tool I used to publish my first book... was my first book

The reason The Big Idea Journal: A Tool for Facilitating Change and Bringing your Idea to Life exists in physical form is actually because I used The Big Idea Journal to publish it. More specifically, I used the organizational tools, framework, and reflective prompts of The Big Idea Journal to guide me to focus my efforts and to identify what I needed to do to complete and publish my first workbook.

I’ll explain.

This past spring, I had taken a semester-long community leadership program. The course required a capstone project, something that was meaningful to us to help others in the community.

I decided I was going to help people access skills and tools to enable their success. As a clinical psychologist, I wanted to apply what I knew that could help others identify and overcome barriers, set and achieve goals, and create behavior change.

Soon I had created an early draft of The Big Idea Journal to pilot test on a sample of some of my classmates. This draft contained the overview, theme, structure and contained reflective prompts. I wanted to see how individuals with ideas (the ideal user) would respond to this framework and how effectively it had guided them through their process. I learned a lot through this experience of pilot testing my tool, but the biggest lessons came when I pilot-tested The Big Idea Journal on myself.

Though my vision had been to eventually publish The Big Idea Journal, I actually had no roadmap of how I was going to make that happen. I realize the irony in this, looking back now. But I had been taking an evening class after a full workday, and my primary focus was on meeting the program’s project criteria and designing a useful and research-informed product.

Early feedback from my pilot testers was encouraging. One day, about one month before the program graduation, the program coordinator asked if I would be interested in printing this early version of The Big Idea Journal as a graduation gift for my cohort. I thought about it and then replied that I loved the idea, but thought that their gift should really be the full version of the book. This version would incorporate user feedback, have a proper introduction, and would be edited and reworked into the format I had envisioned. I then decided that I would self-publish The Big Idea Journal in time for graduation. I snapped into action. I grabbed a blank draft version of the tool I had pilot tested and put it to action with my own idea, starting at the beginning.

Once I started writing in The Big Idea Journal, the ideas flowed. I found clarity in my vision and direction in my actions. I had a clear purpose and a clear plan. It was eye-opening and energizing. It was the springboard that I needed to do what I needed to do to self-publish a workbook in just over one month that would be ready for the world.

I got to work. I used the timeline I created with the Big Idea Journal and it guided my actions. I wrote copy, edited, utilized my own network for support when needed, neglected some other projects, no doubt, but I remained focused on what I needed to do. And then…. I made it happen! (yes, I had already given the spoiler in the title of the blog post).

As a behavioral scientist, I loved every bit of experimenting on myself. See for yourself what it can do for you!