Seasonally reflecting

For all the reasons this statement rings true for you: the transition into summer is one to hit pause on. Let’s now take a pause.

To me, this transition to summer feels like a call to look inward as we step out to enjoy and savor the season. Summer has this way of altering perspective naturally, as the speed of life shifts a bit.

A question relevant to this blog, and one to reflect on:

How can your journaling practice benefit from this change of pace? If you desire to shift focus in any way or to deepen your practice, now is a great moment to call attention to this and to record it in your journal.

Embrace what this seasonal shift represents to you- modifications in routine, a respite from the rush, changes in the cadence of your work, lounging poolside, or anything else relevant to your life in this season. This shift in pace offers an opportunity to step back and reflect on where you are, your current priorities (and how your actions reflect these priorities), and any adjustments you would like to make as you move into the future.

Seasonally speaking, summer represents a halfway point in the year, which naturally invites us to check in with ourselves on how our year is going. Summer also represents opportunity, for many of us, simply to step outside a bit more and to reconnect with nature and harvest the abundance of the moment. Whether we’ve entered vacation mode, engaging in beloved summertime traditions, or are simply trying to maximize long summer days and late sunsets, opportunities abound to notice what is happening within ourselves as we step outdoors. Welcome the contemplation and introspection that so often accompanies being with nature. While this is my personal perspective, it will undoubtedly also be communicated in the summer journaling workshops and group activities we will be hosting (mention of this topic now is to make me accountable regarding my intention to write more on this topic this summer!).

This seasonal shift encourages us to pause, reconnect with ourselves, and cultivate a deeper understanding of who we are and what truly matters to us. We can embrace this opportunity for a perspective shift. Taking these moments to pause can yield our own personalized guide for the season.

Your Journal as Your Accountability Partner

Have you ever considered your journal to be your accountability partner?

After all, your journal is your confirmation of where you are now, where you have been and where you would like to be going from this point forward. It is a road map of sorts, and it can be your guide and help you shape and construct what you envision.

From this perspective, your journal can help you initiate and track change better than any other accountability partner. If you are honest in what you are putting into it, in return it will reflect back to you what is really happening, and it can be your guide in staying true to yourself.

Essentially what is happening is this:

“I wrote this. This is my truth. I want to act in accordance with my truth. I will report back on this truthfully.”

From this framework, the goal of the journal entry is to document whatever you would like to accomplish. In doing this, you are making a commitment to yourself. It can actually help you take control of your action and overcome helplessness and encourage you to bring about the changes you desire.

When journaling this way, keep your journal in a reliable place. That way when you are having a thought that captures your attention, you can document it in your journal. The act of writing this down also invites you to further flesh this out and work through it, and clarify your thinking. Again, you are making a commitment to yourself by doing this.

After you have written this entry, read what you have written. Then make a plan to re-read this entry sometime very soon (perhaps later in the day, perhaps tomorrow or at the end of the week, as appropriate) to evaluate your progress toward your goal.

When you are checking in on this, here are some questions to guide you:

What are you noticing in terms of how you are working toward your goals?

What is going well, and what is not?

Notice your tendencies and other observations, and take notes on this- in your next journal entry.

This kind of objective awareness, honesty, and the fact that you are creating a written record of what is working as well as what is holding you back is essentially an accountability partner like no other. You are accountable to YOU.

Envisioning your new year

A new year begets reflection.

Before the sun had set on this first day of the year, I created this post in my head (envisioning, while also being inspired by my surroundings, seen here).

Part of the reflective process in turning the page to the next chapter inherently includes taking stock of where we have been. To provide context for where we want to go, what we want to accomplish and who we want to be, it is important to examine what is driving us as we envision this new year.

Using this year-end check-in as a guide helped me reflect on what has brought me here most immediately as well as shape and refine what I want to create. It also helped me dig deeper into helping more clearly delineate what I would need to do to make that happen.

We may already know what we want to make happen in this new year, but digging deeper at the outset can actually help you achieve it. Here are some reflective prompts to ask yourself or journal about to help you do just that:

First, what would you like to create or make happen in this new year?

Now, here is what it is needed to better understand how you can realistically make this happen for yourself:

What is your motivation for this? Why is this meaningful for you? 

How would you outline the key components and process?

What are the specific actions you need to do?

How can you best support yourself in making this happen?

When would it be meaningful for you to check in with yourself on your progress toward your goals? What would success look like at these check points?

If you are not on track, what would you plan to do to course-correct?

Now pin these questions for yourself and make a plan to check back in with yourself! Good luck, and happy new year!

Reflecting on This Season of Giving

The designation of this day as #GivingTuesday has inspired a new blog post on “Reflecting on Reflecting”, upending layers of current-year dust which has been accumulating on the blog.

Today my email inbox screams, “It’s Giving Tuesday.”

My learned response to such subject headings: Give, but give mindfully. Give meaningfully. Give based on my values. Give based on need. Give to support others or support causes which have touched those on my mind right now.

There are many causes that meet that criteria (see above: screaming email inbox).

Giving is high on my own list of values. Just looking over the topics on this blog, for example, I notice over one-quarter of blog posts have been partially or entirely about reflecting on giving, giving back, and taking actions for others, including Reflecting on the Season of Giving (from this time of year, two years ago) Reflecting on Doing Good, Writing Letters to Fight Social Isolation, and Reflecting and Taking Action.

This year in particular, I have decided that my approach to charitable donations, particularly on a day (and a season) that stresses giving, will be an approach guided by reflection, meaning, and critical thinking. I have added ‘critical thinking’ in my own decision-making guide because some of the causes I support more generally may currently not be fully in alignment with my own values and priorities.

This year I am asking myself the following questions:

1. Does this cause directly address a need that is a high priority to me (or those I care about) right now?

2. Will this donation be received with appreciation by the recipient, and/ or will my message of support for this cause be heard?

3. Looking back on this day/ season/ moment in time, will I feel like I have taken a meaningful action by this donation?

If the answer to these three questions is a resounding yes, I will be donating today or during this season.

Taking a few moments to record the questions I am asking myself right now has been useful for me, and perhaps can help others wade through their own inboxes and inform or inspire mindful decisions. Writing this has also helped make my decision concrete that from now through the holiday season, I am donating all proceeds of all journals to a cause that represents what the Write.Reflect.Grow community values, funding a journaling workshop for charity in the new year. More on this to come!

Connecting with Women's History

As is typical for posts on our Reflecting on Reflecting blog, this post is a call to reflect and pause in this moment.

Being in THIS moment means different things to each of us, but for ALL of us (depending on when and where you are when reading this), this moment is part of Women’s History Month.

For some, awareness of Women’s History Month is certainly top of mind all month, whereas for others, it may go under the radar unless reminded of it by the world around them (e.g. themed playlists, announcements about special programming). Whatever your current level of awareness, all month long I invite you to spend some time recognizing, celebrating, honoring, appreciating, learning about (and from), and reflecting on women. Here are some questions to guide you in any of the above.

• What does it mean to you to call your attention to women’s history? To the importance of the women in your life or in the world?

• How have you taken a pause to bring awareness to and recognition of the meaning of this month for you (so far)?

• How is having a month devoted to women’s history impactful for you?

• What are some reflections you’ve had this month on your own relationships with the women in your life or the contributions of these women in your life (and in the world)?

• What are some additional ways for you to observe and connect with Women’s History Month that are meaningful to you?

Reflections are individual and this post was intended to guide you in this process. One or all may become your journal prompt today. As you answer the questions, you may notice that themes may emerge. What are these themes for you? You may notice other offshoots of topics that are meaningful for you to reflect upon. I encourage you to go there.

Because this is a topic where I feel particularly connected, I’ll share that I am pleased to have chosen to honor this month thus far by doing all of the following (and undoubtedly this list will grow):

• read several books by and about inspirational women, and reflected on many lessons that these books and these women have enriched me with

• supported and appreciated art, music, and other creative contributions of women

• proudly participated in community International Women’s Day celebrations

• had meaningful and empowering conversations about this topic

• shared and received wisdom from women in my personal and professional life

• connected with other inspiring women who are making history

• written this blog post

Finally, more broadly, as we enter each new month, collectively we are asked to direct our attention to foundational populations in our society, whether it be Native American Heritage Month in November, Pride Month in June, Black History in February. Whether or not we personally identify with the group being honored each month, we are asked to recognize the unique individual and collective contributions in much the same way as we are doing now.

I invite you to return to these questions to enhance the meaning of the moment for you.

Reflecting on doing good

In our community and in our home, we set a challenge for ourselves to do good. Specifically our goal is to raise a large sum of money to support a cancer-focused charity that does work that directly impacts so many (details below). Here’s just a little of what have we learned so far (a summary version):

Giving feels good!

Whether it is giving time, money, outreach or a variety of other contributions, these efforts feel important, appreciated, and impactful. To illustrate, I’ve shared several notes our fundraising team lead received in response to our direct fundraising efforts. These notes, along with others we’ve received share sentiments about the important ways our efforts have touched others and also have the potential to make a significant difference to the world of many facing blood cancers.

Doing good begets doing good

The positive response to this work has certainly been encouraging and inspiring. The response from others and the feelings evoked from their responses have encouraged me to do more. It has motivated me to write this blog post and to think creatively about other ways I can help the team fundraise. One way I am doing so directly involves one journal I published in March 2020:

This journal directly ties into this theme of doing good. I wrote the journal for the purpose of benefiting those with cancer; Informed by many journaling workshops I had run, I wrote Reflections: A Journal Companion for those on the Cancer Journey to guide those on a cancer journey. But it was also published with the additional promise to directly share profits with cancer support organizations that directly address the emotional health needs of individuals affected by cancer.
I am proud to share that though March 11, 2022 I will be donating 100% of the sales of this journal ($18/ journal) to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to help support those impacted by blood cancers. All sales will be directly donated to support the Student of the Year team I am supporting as a team member. If you know someone who may benefit from this resource right now, please take a look or share this link.

You feel like you’re doing good on the inside

While outside feedback inspires and motivates, at the core of it, it’s what is happening on the inside that we’ll always carry with us into the future. It builds confidence that we can make a difference. It reminds us that our efforts matter. The gift of giving and doing good is one that stays with us. I look forward to seeing how these experiences (as well as taking the time to reflect on them) will lead to our continued growth.

Your year-end check-in

By the end of this post, I think you’ll agree. Not only are you another year older, but certainly a year wiser.

As this year comes to a close, I’m going to do what I encourage of others. Following the process I’ve outlined some time ago, I’m going to take a separate piece of paper and jot down my answers to these questions:

How has this year aligned with how you had envisioned the year at the outset of the year? I’ve learned that both the process of journaling about your vision for the year to come and then subsequently reviewing that journal entry can be enlightening (and entertaining).

How has this year been different for you from others? You can start with the obvious for you, but then begin to scratch a little beneath the surface. Take the time to think through and respond.

Another question to reflect upon as the year comes to a close: What are some things that you have achieved, learned, accomplished, realized, or progressed upon in the past year? Which of your goals have been realized?

Here is the question that we typically ask ourselves this time of year: What are some things that you would like to change in the new year? Why is this important for you? And how can you realistically make this happen for yourself? What are some steps you can take?

What are some things that you would like to carry forth into the new year? Any new practices, routines, hobbies, priorities that have emerged during this time that have become important or useful to you?

Happy journaling, reflecting, and finding clarity in how you want to create your new year. I’ll see you there!

Reflecting on the season of giving

It has been some time since we’ve published a post. A whole rotation around the sun, in fact. Here we are again in the season where the days are short and the clock of final days of the year is ticking away.

Perhaps it feels like a season of frenzy.

Perhaps it feels like a season of celebration.

As we approach the holidays, let us reflect on what the season of giving feels like for us.

Though through the frenzy, let us create and accept opportunities to unwind. Let’s remind ourselves to give ourselves the gift of calm, the gift of hitting pause, and the gift of stepping back.

Through the celebration let us give ourselves the gift of gratitude. Let us recognize who and what we are truly grateful for. Let us embrace all that we have accomplished, all that we have survived, and all of the good around us.

And through the season of giving, let us reflect on all that giving means for us. Through the gifts that we select for others, let us also remember to give ourselves what helps us feel nourished. Whether it comes in a pretty package or a simple holiday greeting, let us share what we can give. Whether we are surrounded by those we love this season or remain distanced, let us give from a place of genuineness and pleasure. Finally, however and whenever we see the need, may we give support to those who need it (which really is all of us).

What does the season of giving feel like for you this year?

For us, it will look like all of the above. And as we look to the year ahead, we have plans for continuing the season of giving. We plan on dedicating a lot of attention supporting charitable causes in months ahead. For example, as we lead into the new year, we will be donating all proceeds from the sales of our journals (including blank journals) to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. And extending throughout the year, proceeds from the sale of Reflections: A Journal Companion for the Cancer Journey will be donated to organizations which provide cancer support services. Our hope is that by continuing this season of giving throughout the year, we promote the gift of reflection- the gift that keeps on giving.

What Does Giving Thanks Look Like for You This Year?

Regardless of your plans this holiday season, one thing has already happened: You have been prioritizing.

You have reflected on what is most important for YOU when it comes to holiday gatherings when gathering with loved ones has become a risky prospect. You have already considered the following:

• What will your holiday look like

• Who will you see

• Whether you are OK with the plan you have in place for the holiday

  • If not, what would ideally make you feel more comfortable?

  • If you are not on the same page as others, how can you navigate differences in opinion when making these decisions?

• The precautions you are putting in place- both for physical health and nurturing your emotional needs

• Finally, what is most important for you this holiday season.

  • How does what’s most important align with your actions? Ultimately the most critical balance is between what your physical and emotional needs are and whether you think your own decision is the best decision at this point in time.

Reflecting on how you’ve been making your decisions lends itself to also noticing gratitude. Acknowledging what we are thankful for is a relevant topic during the season of thanks- and every day. We know practicing gratitude is good for us and any attention we devote to noticing what we are grateful for is time well spent. I wrote a post on this topic on year ago and am currently drawing upon the messages within.

As you have already reflected on what Thanksgiving celebration will be like, why are you giving thanks? I invite you to take the time to reflect upon this fundamental question. What ARE you feeling grateful for right now? The people in your life? Your health? The good fortune you may have had?

Here’s an activity: Embrace the (likely) slower pace of the holidays this year to write a letter of thanks right now. Whether this takes the form of a note to yourself, a note to someone else, or a note you share widely. You could use the prompt below to get you started, if you’d like:

Thank you all for joining me in this reflection, and may your holiday season be full of gratitude.

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

www.Writereflectgrow.com

A Big Idea has hit the digital air waves

Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time listening. Listening to others, and listening to myself.

I hear how many of you have some of your greatest insights and ideas while on a walk, or while driving in your car. I’ve noticed when something I’ve listened to sticks because of what it activates in my own thinking. And I’ve listened to many around me who are connecting with an audio format of consuming stories, consuming ideas.

Since the original publication of The Big Idea Journal: A Tool for Facilitating Change and Bringing Your Idea to Life last year, I’ve been nurturing an idea that is an offshoot of my original idea. I could create an audio version of the Big Idea Journal that people could access on-the-go. I envisioned that this would meet many people where they currently are, listening to audiobooks, or who are auditory learners. I chose to pursue this idea. I went through many of the steps set forth in the process described in The Big Idea Journal, which, of course, is designed to help nurture an idea.

And now the audiobook of The Big Idea Journal is a reality. And the purpose of this new resource- guiding YOU in making YOUR idea a reality.

To listen to a sample of the audio, click on the image.

This past summer, I joined forces with rising talent Nicholas Eric French to try something new, adapting and recording our first audiobook: The Big Idea Journal: A Tool for Facilitating Change and Bringing Your Idea to Life. This involved getting clear on our mission, as well as establishing what we needed to do to help ensure our success in reaching others. Adapting a written workbook to an audible format presented opportunities to rethink how we absorb information and problem-solve. The reality is, we are all unique, and audiobooks are preferable for many for a variety of reasons. So we acknowledge the preferences and are rising to meet the need!

I pilot-tested audio recordings with users representing a range of familiarity with and preferences for audiobooks, across different ages and demographic backgrounds. I was curious about many factors that could impact both the usability of and the satisfaction with this resource. Collecting this feedback was useful in creating a resource with the intended impact. Some of the early feedback included the following excerpts:

“This Big Idea Journal audiobook is exciting and got my creative juices flowing.  Nicholas has a great voice for this project.  He is easy on the ears and makes you want to hear more.”

“I did not have trouble visualizing or understanding the instructions. Given the fact that most listeners will be writing along and focusing actively on the audiobook, I imagine listeners would easily understand the book.” 

“Great book, and an easy listen. I look forward to getting a copy and launching my ideas.  Great work.”

These statements, along with comments that helped to pinpoint areas to improve all felt very encouraging.

The process of creating this audiobook has illustrated this truth to me: Growth happens by challenging ourselves to try something new. I feel proud of the growth that came from taking on this challenge.

The reality is, we live in an ever-changing world (the comment below was written one year ago by a user with a spiral-bound copy of The Big Idea Journal), and our needs and preferences for information-management may change, depending on the situation. Some situations may lend itself even more for an audiobook than others. Regardless of the situation, we all are different; one size does not always fit all. I tend to process information visually, so I find the ability to listen to something is even more impactful when I am writing and recording. When I am using the audiobook version, I am doing so while I have a blank journal nearby. The bottom line is that this resource is designed for you to tailor to YOU.

One additional historical point: My recognition that an audiobook format for the guided prompts would meet the needs of many was not actually the first time I had had such an insight. I recognized that an audio format could reach those who are sparked and motivated by listening when I created this series outlined in this blog post on Simple Habit meditation app last year. This guided reflection series is also available for download on the app.

Whether you prefer a spiral-bound version or the audiobook version of The Big Idea Journal, I invite you to see for yourself how this resource can help you nurture something big!

-Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Clinical psychologist and author

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

What you can do with a Blank Journal

A blank journal can be used for far too many things than can be adequately described in one blog post. We’ll highlight some ideas for you to get acquainted with your next blank journal!

1) To reflect.

Anytime, anywhere. Notice the moment. Or the past. Or thoughts about the future.

For many reasons, this season is a time of reflection- whether 
noticing the change in the seasons or the changing of routines.

2) To jot down fleeting observations or passing thoughts

Having these momentary lapses of wisdom recorded in one place, can act as a central repository

We are embracing the infinite possibilities of blank journals

Click to see more of this design

3. To keep track of whatever you are wanting to keep track of.

What you are feeling. Thinking. Eating. A habit you are wanting to start or stop. You can customize a mood diary, food journal, behavior tracker, etc., in any way that suits your needs.

where you'll find this journal (and the others featured here)

4. Harnessing Positivity

A blank journal can be your place to record inspirational quotes or encouraging messages. You get to decide what goes inside. Customize the messages to what inspires YOU and feels good to you.

5. Intellectual pursuits

To record your learning in a manner that reflects your individuality. Taking notes as you are sitting in a virtual class. Writing down what you’d like to remember later. The sky is the limit here.

this journal will only be for happy things. It now also exists in a different print. Which do you prefer?

6. Capturing creative outlets

A notebook or journal can be a bound location to capture whatever it is that you are creating or you want to remember. Poetry. Song lyrics. Doodles. Ideas for creating your next venture- perhaps a series of blank notebooks? (That’s what happened here- our blank journals just sort of happened once our creative juices got flowing! Still trying to figure out which of the two orange m&m’s journals we prefer!)

7. Organizing your goals

The act of recording what you are wanting to do both helps to keep you organized and focused and helps to organize your plans and actions.

What are you wanting to do this next month? This next year? How do you envision that the process of creating your side project? What are your visions for your future? Do you have a big idea that you want to flesh out?

8. Gifting a spark (for you, for someone else)

A blank journal is a spark for any or all of the above- and so much more! When you are wanting to create a spark- for you, or for someone else- we believe that a blank journal may be just what you need. A blank journal is a gift with endless potential. Fortunately, many options are available to reflect the personality and goals of the recipient. Also, journals can also look good in hardcover form (as is evidenced below. In fact, we love the design below so much that we created some additional products with this original art.)

If you are feeling inspired with any or all of the above, we invite you to check our our growing library of blank journals (and related products) that you can have shipped directly to you soon! In fact, you can click on the images above to take you directly to that journal.

What will YOU do inside of YOUR blank journal?

Please let us know in the comments below!

Tips and tools to organize and prepare for what is on your horizon

This post focuses on concrete tips and tools to help you feel more organized, confident, and in-the-moment in THIS moment.

Let’s spend a moment reflecting on what we are collectively going through right now, and also what you are going through personally. Inequities and discrimination on a societal level and perhaps also a personal level. Uncertainty about what lies ahead on so many levels.

What are some of the big things for you right now?

How are you doing with all of this?

Of course, many right now are going back to “school”, though there is no certainty about exactly what that means this year. We’ve also been reflecting on what going back to school means and how that feels right now.

We’ve been talking to students about what this feels like for them. In fact, we’ve taken to Zoom to meet with students and talk to them directly about how things are feeling for them and how journaling can help guide them through the feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty. We’ve enjoyed this so much and we would love to continue this throughout the school year!

I’ll briefly highlight two workshops that we ran this summer, one with middle school-aged girls taking part in an online leadership-focused camp and one with undergraduates at Cornell University illustrating how impactful sharing an hour with a group of young people on top-of-mind topics can be.

Journaling Workshops for Youth

What we’ve seen is that, even while on a Zoom call, taking the time to reflect on directed prompts makes a notable difference in terms of self-awareness and achieving clarity. Creating and running these workshops has been a huge positive for us this summer. We (intern Nicholas and myself) felt satisfied that we could provide concrete tools, and these tools and discussions were appreciated.

So much so that we hope to do this again soon.

If your organization or group, whether for adults or youth, is interested in a journaling workshop customized to your needs and interests, please reach out directly.

Organizational tools, masks, and swag

Another experience we have had this summer that has felt positive:

time at home = time to create.

Yes, that has meant some journaling and writing, and several passion projects are still works-in-progress. We’ve dabbled into other types of creating as well. While we anticipate that there will be more creating to come, for now we proudly introduce digital art… for your journals (and for yourselves!). We have created tools for organization and for flair. Our stickers are accessories for your journals! Follow WRGJournaling on Redbubble to see what else will be coming soon!

For example, we’ve just designed and released some new products to support the transition to “back-to-school” (wherever school is). These include organizational products and just-for-fun swag, such as canvas pencil bags, blank notebooks, masks, and stickers for laptops, notebooks, etc.

We’re especially excited about our “pencil & notebook” pattern (created by our graphic design junior intern). This pattern has inspired a range of products perfect for all the students (and journalers) in your life. Regardless of where school is happening this year, you'll be organized! The products below are available our new Redbubble store (you can also search for WRGJournaling, and you can also “follow” us there and “like” what you like).

All of this started because of an idea to create stickers, and to write about this story is tangential. So we’ll save this for our next blog post, coming soon!

If what you’ve read about here compels you to want to learn more or to share this post with others…. you know what to do- be in the moment and reach out!

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder,

Writereflectgrow.com

Your Midyear Review

This is a post I have been planning to write for six months. I had envisioned writing a post reflecting on the year, midway through the year.

I had written a blog post just as the new year started, focused on checking in on our vision for our year ahead.

(It is safe to say we were collectively blindsighted by what 2020 would have in store for us, despite having approached the year with clarity and 20/20 vision).

I had envisioned writing this post, checking in on where we are at midway through the year, assessing and evaluating how we are doing with our goals and how we were adapting to whatever changes we would inevitably encounter. The purpose would be to notice where we may be on track or even surpassing our expectations and also, of course, to notice where have strayed from the path we had charted out for ourselves.

I borrowed the idea of a midyear review from the corporate world. There is benefit in setting up a formal meeting with yourself. This meeting can be to focus on where you are right now and how you are gauging your progress.

Welcome to your midyear review.

Here’s how it works:

1) Schedule a meeting with yourself. This meeting can be wherever you are, and need not be virtual. After all, you are already with you.

2) Clear some space for reflection. Clearing your mind to focus exclusively on you right now. Clearing your physical space can also assist in this process, should this be helpful for you.

3) This exercise can be a guided reflection in thought, but this can be even more useful by recording it on paper or electronically. Writing it down may help to make this activity feel more official. You are making the commitment to yourself by documenting how you are re-establishing your vision for the next six months.

4) This exercise can also be done with a close confidant, or a small group of individuals gathered for the purpose of checking in on goals. One couple I’ve worked with had scheduled a date for this review to check in on each other’s personal goals and visions as well as their collective goals, successes, and areas for improvement.

5) Ask yourself the questions.

Take the time to meaningfully reflect on your responses to these question. Follow up with additional questions that arise for you. I suggest starting with the following questions, which I have adapted from the original questions I had published six months ago:

Thinking back to my goals as I headed into the new year, where am I right now on the path toward accomplishing these goals? How has my path deviated from where I had originally envisioned it going?

What is my vision currently for things I hope to make happen for the remainder of year, whether in my life or in my world? In what ways has my vision changed or remained the same?

What from the first half of this year would I like to carry forward into the second half of the year?

What would I like to change as I approach the remainder of the year? What does this change look like, knowing now what change for 2020 has looked like so far? How has my conceptualization of change and adaptation been modified since this year began?

How can I actualize the change(s) I would like to make? What is realistic to expect, and how can I support myself in this process?

While I created these questions for you, I also have scheduled a midyear review with myself. I look forward to delving a little deeper into my own review, digging deeper into my responses. Exploring more than my initial thoughts that are top-of-mind when I think about checking in on my own vision for 2020.

One thing that I plan to tap into is the final statement I had written six months ago, “2020 is using hindsight to guide foresight.” We have wisdom from our experiences, and can tap into our own wisdom to guide us into what lies ahead. Let your own wisdom guide you into creating the remainder of 2020 to be all that you would like it to be given your own current realities.

Then go make it happen!

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

Reflecting on Patterns You Bring to Your Relationship

It’s (still) April, 2020, and we’re still living in a time where we’ve hit pause on so many things.

But living and interacting with our partners is very much still happening. And you may find yourself reflecting on some of the relationship dynamics you are experiencing right now. For example:

Exerpt from Reader’s Digest

Relationships are built upon the exchange of interactions, decisions, actions, and ideas between the two partners. These exchanges are also happening in the greater context of everything else happening all around them. Over time, these exchanges form or fall into a pattern.

The patterns may have roots in our own history; either the history that you and your partner has established, the history of what you and your partner brings to your relationship, or possibly all of the above! Here are some reasons why it is important to notice patterns.

The Importance of Patterns

• Patterns can repeat themselves from relationship to relationship without our awareness. 

• Shifting our focus to noticing these patterns will help us to recognize when they are repeating themselves, and also what could be triggering the patterns.

• This then allows us the opportunity to make choices in the moment. We can choose to do something different, if the pattern is not working for us, or we can keep doing what IS working for us. We can mindfully choose to react in a way that is healthy for our relationships. 

What happens when we take the time to reflect on what WE bring to our relationship with our partners?

Many positives can result from making the effort to reflect on what we are contributing to our own relationship dynamics. In short, reflection can strengthen your relationship. You may have intuitively known this, which was what drove you to read this post.

If you’re looking for a place to start, I’ll gladly guide you. Here are some questions that might resonate with you. I invite you to jot down your responses, as this may lead to some new insights.

Historically, what dynamics have repeated themselves in your relationships, perhaps from partner to partner?

What in your relationship is working for you right now? What can you do to help ensure that this will continue into the future?

What in your relationship is not working for you right now? What could you do differently that could possibly improve the outcome? I invite you to brainstorm all different kinds of things you can do, even if you don’t think they’ll get you far. Here, it’s tempting to dismiss ideas that you think won’t work for you without really thinking about them. Opening up by brainstorming may allow you to see things that you hadn’t seen before or see things from a new perspective.

What has it been like for you to think about these questions?

If you appreciate this opportunity to reflect, I invite you to join me in an online workshop that I created designed to help guide you in strengthening your relationships through reflecting on relationship patterns, entitled, “An Inside-out Approach to Strengthening Your Romantic Relationship”. This is a free event happening live on May 6th at 3pm EST, and you can register for this event here. Even if you do not participate in the live event, you will be able to participate at a later time as long as you register by using the link. I’ll be there and I’d love to see you and/ or your partner here too! Drop a line if you plan to attend!

Whether or not you join me in this workshop, I hope that you’re putting this reflection to good use, as noticing, reflecting, and critically examining these patterns may be efforts that pay off in large ways in your relationship. See for yourself!

Best,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write.Reflect.Grow

Writing letters to fight social isolation (and COVID-19)

Greetings and wishes for health and wellness to all!

While this is not a post I had anticipated writing, this is what is currently on my mind.

I’m writing about something we can all do right now, an action that does good, on multiple levels, for ourselves and for others. It is a healthy and engaging activity for ALL ages (while we are hunkered down at-home). Additionally, it is an activity that can help recover from the impact of COVID-19 too. Read on to see how.

I am referring to the act of writing a letter to mail to someone. What many refer to as the “lost art” of letter-writing. On the one hand, if we look around us (well, around us online), we may see many of the “lost arts” making a resurgence in this time of social isolation. The lost art of sewing. Of baking bread. Of vegetable gardening. One of the benefits of being asked to slow down is that we can connect with these activities which do lend themselves to mindfulness and reflection.

Your call to action: Write a letter to someone else. Just because.

Benefits of writing a letter, right now:

How is the act of writing a letter good for you and others?

• Writing letters is a way to stay connected and even build or strengthen relationships with anyone in the world, whether thousands of miles away or around the corner.

• Writing a letter generates excitement. The excitement of receiving and opening a letter that arrives just for YOU (please wash your hands after).

• Writing a letter can promote a host of positive emotions. Knowing you are doing something positive for someone else is also a feel-good for you!

• Writing a letter is an activity for you or anyone else in your home who might be in need of something a little different.

• A letter can then become keepsake or memento of this period of time.

• Writing a letter is an opportunity for self-expression and perhaps reflection on the times. Or anything you want to write about.

How can the act of writing a letter be good for the world at present?

Simply put, when you write a letter on a greeting card that we have created for the Things You Can Do Today campaign, 100% of proceeds will go directly to assist in recovery efforts from Coronavirus. We have created a set of 4 original 5x7 cards and envelopes. The charity we have chosen is 4-CT, Connecticut COVID-19 Charity Connection to move funds to where they are most needed now to fight this deadly virus.

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Why did we create this set of greeting cards?

Because we want to do something to help improve the current state of affairs while also encouraging positivity and connection and tapping into our own creativity.

How can you obtain a set of greeting cards?

We have created a series of daily actions which are designed to inspire and light a spark within you. To purchase, order your set of cards here. While you are waiting for your order to arrive, think about who you’ll write to! And if you are looking for some other reflective activities to do during this time, we invite you to check out these journaling resources and tools to help work through an emerging idea.

What to do once you receive your set of cards?

1) Write letters.

2) Mail them.

3) See what happens after you do. Did you receive a return letter? How was this experience for you? We’d love to hear!

May this endeavor become a rewarding and enjoyable activity that directly does some good for the world!

Best,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

Journaling in the Time of Coronavirus

What a time to be alive. You’re living history right now, we all are. Never has there been a time, globally, where we are so connected yet required to be so distanced. 

I’ve been thinking of about what it’s like to be here right now. I’ve been reflecting on many things- the negatives and the positives about the situation. About how isolation and togetherness have intersected where we are sharing experiences though filtered through our own lives and circumstances. About how on a recent walk (the one outing of the day), passers-by were all greeting each other, albeit from a safe distance. I’ve been thinking about the many things I have been intending to record about this time, but have not yet recorded in the midst of the change. One thought I’ve had: despite how so much is slowing down right now, ironically so much feels like it is moving very rapidly. I am feeling like it time to embrace the slow and reflect some. One fan of our journals recently shared her thoughts on this topic (and I love her commentary so much that I am sharing it here).

Prompts for reflection

I decided to write a series of journal prompts about this time and compile them into a post to share with you. I am sharing them both here in this blog post as well as by video, and in this downloadable handout that LiveGirl organization has prepared to share with their community.

I invite you to collect your own observations, insights, or emotions. I encourage you to tap into your wisdom about what it is like to be here now.

I have created a set of prompts for you to reflect on and write about today:

What are three things about this time that you think you will want to remember in the future?

What changes in your world have you observed right now, just in this time since you first became aware of Coronavirus? What have been some of the ways these changes have impacted you the most so far?

What is something that you’re worried about happening? What can you do to help yourself manage this worry?

What are some things that you appreciate about your current situation?

How do you hope things will improve for the better because we will all have gone through this experience?

Write your response to these prompts in your own journal. Save these responses. One day you may be glad you did.

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

Reflecting and taking action while social distancing

What does a clinical psychologist who specializes in adjustment to change and coping do herself right now?

I activate. I think about what I can do to get a handle on the situation and how to cope with what is ensuing. Seemingly, each time we refresh our news feed, there’s a new set of restrictions in place, or there’s a troubling update somewhere in the world. It’s a lot. For ALL of us.

While we need to be maintaining distance, really we’re ALL in this together!

I will share with you how I am activating right now. For the past several days, I have shared suggestions and reflections both with people in my life as well as with the greater world (primarily on Write. Reflect. Grow.’s social media) about actions we can all take right now to help ourselves (and others) manage the uncertainty and navigate the challenges of “social distancing”.

I have created a set of daily tips which I will continue to share each day. These suggestions are actionable. These tips draw on our ability to reflect on our own experiences.

Right now, unless you are in a job that requires you to be stepping up your efforts, the majority are being asked to step away and learn alternate ways of doing things. Because of these restrictions, in a way, we are being asked to slow down. Slowing down provides the opportunity to notice and to reflect, if we choose to do so. A silver lining, perhaps.

So for those looking to take action to help themselves or to help others, or for those seeking to grow personally from this experience (spoiler: this can ABSOLUTELY happen), here are some tips:

If you appreciate these tips, you are welcome to share this post or the tips on social media (or by phone?) with anyone you think might also appreciate them! I will be sharing more ideas designed to inspire reflection and action for you on social media each day.

I’ll leave you with a question for you reflect on:

When circumstances are ever-changing, what are some things that you can do that feel nourishing or calming for YOU?

Remember, we are all in this together!

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

The many benefits of journaling when you are going through something big

“There are uses to adversity, and they don’t reveal themselves until tested. Whether it’s serious illness, financial hardship, or the simple constraint of parents who speak limited English, difficulty can tap unexpected strengths.”

-U.S. Supreme Court Justice, Sonia Sotomayor

We all go through tough times or face challenging situations. In fact, we are all going through something “big” right now, the uncertainties of weathering a global pandemic and the associated implications and emotions.

Whatever it is that you face, the following statement is true: Journaling can guide you along this journey.

In fact, journaling can be one of the most useful tools to help you get through or help process something big that you’re going through. As a practicing psychologist, I’ve had the privilege of guiding people as they navigate many big challenges that they face. Some people note how they have relied on journaling to help guide them during this time, and we reflect on what they’ve gained from that experience. For those who aren’t already journaling, I encourage the practice of journaling help them continue to understand where they would like to go and how to get there, or to help them grow or feel better.

What are some of the benefits of journaling when you’re facing something big?

Benefits of journaling when you are going through something BIG:

• Journaling offers a safe place for emotional release, providing a space to  “get it out.”

• Journaling can help us get organized. It can help us plan and figure things out so that we can better make decisions for ourselves.

• Journaling lends itself to reflection, self-awareness and improved understanding of ourselves and making sense of patterns.

• Journaling results in a record- a record of our thoughts or our feelings or our experiences. We can then pull the wisdom from creating this record and apply it to anything in our lives or well-being.

All of these benefits are seen clearly when journaling is used to help guide someone through the journey of going through something big.

To illustrate:

The example I’ll highlight in this post is the impact of journaling while going through cancer. A large part of my private practice focuses in oncology. I help people adjust to and process how cancer has impacted their lives. A year ago, I created a workshop series for those who had been diagnosed with cancer to learn how to cultivate (or reconnect) with this practice, through learning skills and building community. The workshops have been a huge success and have been meaningful for both the participants and myself, and I have thought a lot about the lessons learned from participating in this series. Furthermore, because of these workshops, I have built upon the program materials I had created for the workshop and have published a journal for those who are at any point on the cancer journey, as patients, survivors, or caregivers. And if you’re interested in hearing more, I’ve explored this topic on a radio program, describing the role that journaling can play in one’s cancer journey.

I may not even have needed to write this blog post to convince you, but hopefully this has helped you see the tremendous value in journaling when you are going through something big!

If you are curious about the tools you see me holding in the photo below, here’s how you can obtain a copy of these just-published resources!

Reflections: A Journal Companion for the Cancer Journey

Self-Reflections: A Journal for Exploration and Growth

Happy journaling to all!

-Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow

And author of what I am holding!

A love letter to love letters

If you’re feeling fortunate about love in your life, read on.

This post is designed to inspire you to write a love letter expressing what is in your heart. As we often say, there is tremendous power in reflection. What is a love letter if not a reflection of your feelings for someone else? (We also advocate writing a love letter to yourself too).

Though you may think of a love letter as a relic from the past, remember that actually some of the most remarkable insights and sources of inspiration come from digging into the past. Plus, nostalgia can feel lovely!

So if it has been a while since you’ve written a love letter to your partner, maybe now’s the time to revisit this practice. Of if you’ve got a new love in your life, there’s hardly a sweeter and more intimate thing to do than to share in words how you feel about your love with your love.

Even in an age when we can communicate to another person via our wristwatches, crafting a love letter remains timeless. Love letters eternally live on as a way to express heartfelt and authentic sentiments between romantic partners.

How do you write a love letter?

You can write your love letter the same way you go about writing anything where you are tapping into your emotions: Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and then let yourself find the words that capture what it is that you feel. Then get it out by writing it down.

The words will start to flow. Even if you end up changing your wording or making some major edits, you’ll have tapped into what is driving you to write the letter and what you’re wanting to communicate. Not many of us are naturally gifted at capturing what we are trying to say in words or accessing our deep feelings; writing a love letter can help bring you there and focus your message.

What should your love letter look like?

You are the only person to define the limits of your love letter. Whether poem or novella, post-it note or love song, whether written with hand-dipped ink or scribbled in pencil, it can convey a lot. Your note need not be long to have impact. If you write from the heart, it will read as honest and open and thoughtful and sweet. Getting in touch with your emotions will guide you to find the words and express what you’re wanting to communicate.

And if you’re looking for a starting place to get the ink flowing, here are some prompts:

Some of my favorite things about you/ about us ….

I am grateful for you because…

When I think about you,…

Since you’ve come into my life…

Aside from (unintentionally) improving your communication skills and building awareness of your own emotions, writing a love letter can promote many positives in your relationship as well. A love letter can ignite or reawaken excitement and passion in your relationship. Sharing emotions is a way to build closeness and intimacy in your relationship. Your partner will know how you are feeling right now, which may make your partner feel really good! So while your love note might seem like a little gesture, it may inspire a whole lot more!

A love letter also makes for a wonderful physical keepsake of where you are at this point in your lives together. You can revisit this point of time at any point in the future.

Regardless of what your letter looks like, you’re bringing something bold and expressing some of your most heartfelt feelings when you write a letter to your love. So tap into what you feel and get writing!

Written with love,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.

A love letter to yourself

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”

– Oscar Wilde

Some of the most powerful human experiences are to love and to feel loved. Typically we think of ‘love’ in the context of our relationships with others. Nurturing these relationships is certainly life-altering and life-enriching.

This post focuses on a different kind of love. The love that affects a life-long relationship. The love that comes from within. This post is focused self-love. The love that impacts the most important relationship we ever have.

We can choose to celebrate this relationship.

As we are in the midst of February, the month that compels us to celebrate love, I’m suggesting that we make a deliberate effort to honor self-love.

To help you do this, I’ve provided some ideas to help you nurture self-love. The prompts below redirect your attention to this highly important relationship. You can open up your journal to a blank page and write any or all of these prompts at the top of the pages. Alternately, you can take a few moments to reflect on them now. Regardless of what you do, take some time to love yourself. Here are some questions to guide you:

Three of my favorite qualities about myself are __________.

I am post proud of myself for working toward or accomplishing ___________.

Kind words that someone else has said to or about me include ________. This made me feel _________.

Kind words that I have said to or about someone else include _________. This made that person feel ___________.

I consider myself very knowledgable about or skilled in ________.

One action I have taken recently to honor myself is ________ and it made me feel _______ to do this.

One way that I can continue to show myself love is ___________.

Regardless of how you focus on all of the lovely things you can think about yourself or say to yourself or recall about yourself or feel about yourself, know that they all affect your relationship with yourself. And the tone for all of your relationships is set with your own relationship with yourself. As Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has said, “Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home.”

If you would like to continue to explore your relationship with yourself, the moment will be very soon that the first journal in the Reflections Journal Series will be available for sale! The journal, Self-reflections: A Journal for Exploration and Growth is coming in March, 2020! Please stay tuned for more details. Meanwhile if you would like to preorder a copy, please email writereflectgrow@gmail.com and indicate “preorder journal” in the subject heading.

Written with love for the power of self-love,

Marni Amsellem, Ph.D.

Founder, Write. Reflect. Grow.